Parkinson's Mature Wit

Thought I should go in chronological order, so even though I readily took to "In-Laws and Out-Laws", I started "The Law and the Profits" in earnest. Deals with the drier subject of taxation, but is still written in such a mature style as to be palatable. These stuck in me :

Page 56:

The effect of piling war taxes upon this peacetime level of exaction was to mean the eventual ruin of the class upon which Britain relied for leadership. It was to mean the collapse of the British Empire; a collapse which many of Mr. Lloyd George's supporters would rather welcome than otherwise. It was to mean a great deal more than was immediately foreseen.

Page 83: (quoting Thomas Jefferson) :

I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as the greatest of dangers to be feared....To preserve our independence, we must not let our rulers load us with public debt.... We must make our choice between economy and liberty or profusion and servitude.

... If we run into such debts, we must be taxed in our meat and drink, in our necessities and comforts, in our labor and in our amusements.... If we can prevent the Governement from wasting the labor of the people, under the pretense of caring for them, they will be happy.

Page 90:

Territories fulfilling these basic conditions (for tax-avoidance) are relatively few, and of these few the majority, perhaps, have their drawbacks of their own such as earthquakes, communists, cockroaches, colonial officials, centipedes, fevers, sociologists and snakes. Even the most apparently idyllic island can become the target for missionary activity or ballistic missiles.

Speaking of how useless it is for government to prescribe what scientists should research :

Page 129:

It may seem logical that the government which provides the money should decide how it is to be spend. But, for it to insist on this right of control is very much as if the patient were to instruct his medical adviser, saying, 'Since I am to pay the bill, it is for me to decide what the symptoms indicate and what the treatment should be.' To this policy, one objection (of several) is that it means paying the doctor for nothing.

Then, talking about how the government press generates pressure upon the research machine, some fictitious conversations:

page 131:

'is that Dr Thoroughgood? Smoothleigh here, of Information. Can you tell me, approximately, when your space ship (R.100 shall we call it"?) will be completed?'

'Good heavens, no. There are all sorts of problems and difficulties.'

'Do you mean that progress has been disappointing and that the project may have to be abandoned - or else given to some other team?'

'Certainly not. Our progress has been very satisfactory.'

'When did the work begin then?'

'The decision to go ahead was taken by the Minister in April, 1950.'

'And what was the estimate then of the time required for completion?'

'Very roughly, ten years.'

'So that, with satisfactory progress, completion should be in 1960?'

'One can't be as precise as that. It was only a rough estimate.'

'But to exceed it by (say) five years would surely mean that the progress has been disappointing?'

'Oh., I shouldn't say that. Besides, we won't take as long as that. Three years extra at the outside and possibly less.'

'So we might hope for completion in 1962.'

'I suppose so.'

'Very well then. May I issue a press release to that effect.'

'Not as a firm commitment.'

'But as a reasonable expectation.'

'Well, yes. If you think it is essential.'

'It will certainly be useful. It is public money that is being spent, you know. People like to know how it is being spent.'

'All right. Say that we hope for completion in 1962.'

'Early in the year?'

'How should I know? Say, by November.'


Then, at the end of 1961...

'Now, about November 15,' says the Information Officer. 'I understand that the Minister is to be there for the launching. The reception afterwards has all been arranged but there is a problem about the massed bands. Will the music be audible above the rocket noises? Oh, and another thing: I have managed to get you a seat on the platform, at the end of the fifth row. That was difficult enough, and when it came to a seat for your wife - well, frankly, it couldn't be done. I did my best, but - there it is. I do hope she won't mind?'

'But look, Smoothleigh, we never guaranteed completion by November 15. As likely as not, the space ship will be incomplete.'

'Really, Thoroughgood, I hardly know whether to take you seriously. The whole thing is arranged now. Do you realize what a postponement will mean? What a blow to our prestige? And do you realize what it will mean if the Russians have their space ship launched before ours?'

'Do you realize what it will mean if the space ship rises a hundred feet in the air and then comes down on the platform?'

'Pessimist! Your team can do it if they really try. We all have the utmost confidence in you. And if you really have your doubts - well, a seat in the fifth row may have its attractions. Ha!'

'I shan't want the blasted seat. If everything depends on our success, there is only one place for me.'

'What do you mean?'

'I shall be in the confounded ship itself. Good day and be damned to you.'

(splendid. ja?)