FYI, you can ask for "bad joke" "stupid joke" "dumb joke" "political joke". You can't ask for blonde jokes..
Mostly lame, but there are a few gems
What did the shy Pebble wish?
Just that she'd be a little boulder (2x)
What do you call Paul Revere's sketches?
Yankee Doodles
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus (3x)
What did the duck say when buying lipstick? Put it on my bill. (2x)
Want to hear a dirty joke? A boy fell in some mud. How about a clean joke? He had a shower.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it. (5x)
What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork chop.
Why did the pencil shave? It wanted to look sharp (jeez).
Which day do Canadian chickens hate the most? Friday?
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hide in cherry trees.
Why did the raisin go to the dance with a prune? Because he didn't have a date.
Why did Santa have to cancel karaoke night? Too many elvish impersonators.
My dad is an elevator operator. He says the business has its ups and downs.
I know a guy addicted to brake fluid. He insists he can stop anytime.
What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spec-tator.
Why did the rabbit hop? No bunny knows. (2x)
A termite walks into a bar and asks: "Is the bar tender here?"
What's brown and sticky? A stick
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.
A jumper cable walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Okay, but don't start anything."
Why are elephants wrinkled? Have you ever tried to iron one? (2x)
Why is feedback a gift? You can always return it.
What do you call a person with no body and just a nose? No body knows.
Did you hear the one about the man who failed to climb a hill without a watch? He had neither the time nor the inclination. (2x)
Music is coming out of the printer. I think the paper's jamming again. (3x)
The electron asked the photon, "did you pack your suitcase?" "No," the photon replied, "I'm travelling light." (2x)
How many ears does Captain Kirk have? Three - his left ear, his r e and his final front ear.
What type of weather do zombies like the most? Cloudy with a chance of brain. (2x)
Where does a polar bear keep its money? In a snowbank!
What did one flag say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the zombie turn in early? He was dead tired.
I attended a very emotional wedding recently. Even the cake was in tiers. (try telling this one).
My first ride in an elevator was quite uplifting. The second time was a letdown.
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for? Liberty. (2x)
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep? A woolly jumper.
Why did the zombie go after the CEO? He was interested in eating the brains of the operation.
How do you count cattle? With a cowculator. (2x) Really? They must take into account that most people using the kindle are the kids when the parents aren't watching. Shame on AMZN.
What happened to the cat who at a ball of yarn? She had mittens.
How do you make a hot dog stand? Take away its chair.
What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons? Yankee doodler. (2x)
Why did the pirate dislike the pacifist who refused to go to sea? Because he was a lubber, not a fighter. (2x)
What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What did the school say to the playground about the first day of school? I'll be there with bells on.
Why was the strawberry crying? Because it got in a jam. (2x)
What's the tallest building in town? The library. It has the most stories.
What's a dog's favourite instrument? A trombone.
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a ring.
What did the pony say when he had a sore throat? Sorry, I'm a little horse.
What cheese can you lure a bear with? Camembert! (the lamest?)
Why was the patriotic pig wearing tap shoes? It was in-the-pen dance day.
What do buffalo say when their kid leaves for school? Bison
Where does the dog leave his car when he shops? The barking lot.
Time flies like an arror, but fruit flies like a banana.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me. (classy)
Where to beavers keep their money? River banks.
Why is it so hard to play football in the jungle? Because the fastest player is a big cheetah.
Why wasn't the kitty invited to the picnic? Because she always left litter.
Why are farmers so cool? They are outstanding in their field.
How do little dogs say hello in Japanese? Koni Chihuahua (the 2nd lamest).
Why did Adele cross the street? To say hello from the other side.
Why do zombies make such good politicians? They are good at giving sound bites.
What did one ocean say to the other? Nothing, it just waved.
What did zero say to eight? Nice belt!
What's a zombie's favourite vacation destination? The Dead Sea
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fungi!
What do you call a donkey with three legs and one eye? A winky wonky donkey. (uhh..)
What does a house wear? Address.
One time I played football in a chicken coop. It was fun but there were too many fowls.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had 4, it would be a chicken-sedan.
Where do you take a sick boat? To the dock.
What do you call a camel with no hump? Humphrey.
How many wizards does it take to change a light bulb? Depends on what you're trying to change it into!
Why did the zombie attack the runner? He was in the mood for some fast food.
No comments:
Post a Comment