- CEO of big EV company 🚗⚡
- Got “distracted” by politics to “fix” government 🙄
- Board freaked out — share price dipped 📉
- They begged me to come back
- Offered $24B in stock to “stay focused” 💰
- Me: Pretends to think about it 🤔
- Also me: 🏝️💃
I’m the CEO of a Very Important Electric Vehicle Company™.
We make fast cars, slow trucks, and sometimes, flamethrowers — because synergy.
One day, I got “bored” of only running a trillion-dollar empire and decided,
“You know what this planet needs? Me… in politics.”
So I started going on long livestream rants about “fixing” government inefficiency.
I proposed bold reforms, like replacing all DMV lines with racetracks and making Congress wear matching jumpsuits “for brand consistency.”
Problem was… I accidentally rubbed the wrong billionaires the wrong way.
(Let’s just say the yacht industry really hates my proposal for “public yacht-sharing.”)
Suddenly, the board of my company got nervous.
Share price wobbled. Investors started emailing me at 3 a.m. with subject lines like “???”
Then, one fateful Tuesday, they invited me to a “casual lunch meeting.”
There was no lunch. Only spreadsheets.
Spreadsheets showing exactly how much money I was not making them by being distracted.
So they made me a “generous” offer:
— Return to the company full-time.
— Stop trying to single-handedly run the government.
— In exchange, they’d “reluctantly” give me a slightly motivating stock package worth… $24 billion.
Naturally, I acted like I needed time to “think about it” —
while secretly texting my accountant, “We did it. Book the island.”
So yes… I blackmailed my own company without even meaning to.
And the best part? They thanked me for it.
Moral of the story: Always keep a side-hobby… just in case your main job isn’t paying enough.
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